I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
