She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
