Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
