so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
