i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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