Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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