im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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