I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize