being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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