Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
