I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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