Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
