It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
40s are totally the cure
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
