the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
