Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
