I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
