Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
