yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
