my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
