My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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