Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
