we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
