I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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