I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
