I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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