I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
