ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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