I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
