How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
