so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
