turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
