Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
