What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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