so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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