what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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