how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
