I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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