He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
