My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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