This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
