So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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