No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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