i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
