i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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