So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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