Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
