when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
