I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
