I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
