Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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