yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
