All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's blow job season.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
