no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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