I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
