let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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