I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize