mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My first STD was from a foam party
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
