Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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