The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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