Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize