I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is classic penis vs brain.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
