I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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