hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
