he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
sex in a hospital.. check
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
