I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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