Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My liver just had a heart attack.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
