Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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