Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize